League Update 21/02/10

Hi all,

Sunday morning - call from agency - 1 ref going awol - great ! So i get ready to ref Bloods vs Madras - then, 2 calls from certain teams saying pitches are waterlogged and not playable... great ! So i get ready for the worst ie..cancelled games.. and the council not wanting to cancel pitch fees as they confirmed games were going ahead on the Friday (i would jot down what i think of them but ... better not).. anyway, thanks to Alan from Madras for reffing (shame, i was really looking forward to it !), thanks to Saf for asking me to play for Bloods so someone could look stylish on the pitch (extra point awarded to the Bloods!) (we used to play in central midfield together in some proper hardcore kick the shit out of u league - remember Saf !) - anyway, I digress..

So, games went on ! Fan-fukin-tastic news !

Scores were:

Subbuteo 1 Lisbarnes 5

Bob 0 WKK 6

Madras 0 Bloods 2

Barnes 0 Celtic 2

And the tables as above.

Next week are the last cup round games... positions to play for... catch u then.

And thank you for WKK for donating their old kit to Barnesalona - my folks are off to Kenya in March to follow in James's footsteps - looking to complete part of his promise to the kids over there by bringing them kits and footballs. Picture is off him on the beach in Diani, Kenya organising training sessions and footy games.. the infamous story is him red carding a masai warrior..

Dedicated to Michael - luv James

Would be a shame not to have this here for posterity... on a selfish note, knowing the reason for these, they never cease to make me laugh out loud.. so, its a thanks from me. Possibly, others may think it quite strange.. but Michael, your strength and honor as sidekick in all this deserves a medal !

And cheers James :-)

26th Nov 2009

think that idea is highly sexual. we should have a longer break over december so we don't play on unplayable pitches etc. and the rain is so wet. our game on sunday was almost impossible with hail and mud. the celtic boys were without fail, flirting outrageously with michael the whole game. there was so much giggling and finger pointing i hardly knew where to look. it was only later that afternoon when i was sitting in the bath with michael discussing things that all straight men like us talk about when i noticed my rippling abs just looked amazing. neither of us could get over how awesome my awesomeness was and we decided there and then to write a best selling abs book and become geniuses. we also promised ourselves to include the rules for our game that we play. it was actually one of the cute guys from lisbarnes that gave us the idea. it's called "abduction". basically, i kidnap michael and make him tell me things. it's just incredible. michael grew up with 2 dads, well one biological father and then "uncle julian" his dads special friend up until 1987 when same sex marraige was made mandatory for all men over the age of 40 in new zealand, at which point this happy little family could live happily out in the open. as we all know michael was breast fed until the age of 14, which is why he is such a sensitive young man. it's funny you know, as i sit here naked, writing to you, my special friends, i can't help but hope that all michaels teeth fall out tonight and he chokes to death. we should have better refs and a longer winter break. and celtic should all know that jedward are from ireland.

14th April 2009

hi Cedric, my computer isn't opening files at the moment because i put jelly on it. was hoping you could , in very simple terms, send me our remaining fixtures and also let me know if there is any chance of making up our game this weekend at all with wkk or any of the others we missed.

thanks mate!

also wanted to let you know that mike has been saying stuff about you, behind your back. back stabbing you. so.. just thought you might want to throw him out of the league or something good like that.

23rd Feb 2009

bloods: 2 beautiful goals- madras: 2 sloppy, ugly undeserved goals. i mean that in a loving way. in a way that supports the inner child.

did you know that some work emails automatically block incoming emails with any swear words, i have actually had some of my masterpieces blocked by some work emails in this group....... shit... who would have fucking thought?

hope everyone is happy and well

James
oh, i am doing a sponsored killing this wednesday. i'm killing mike so if anyone wants to contribute and sponsor me you can do so online at my website www.jamesinhistightunderwear.com.

27th Nov 2008

why don't we all have a boys shopping day out? we could laugh and walk around oxford street like sex and the city! and then we could all come back to mine and mike's house and stub cigarettes out on his balls!

let me know what you think guys!

oh! almost forgot! i'm having a little whip around to raise some money to have mike beaten up and burnt with matches! so if you have any spare coins, sharpen them and throw them at his big stupid face.

thank you!

26th Oct 2008

Bloods 6 madras 2. I was amazing. A cross between pele and the very handsome lead singer from razor light. I laughed when I first nominated my self for man of the match, but I am learning to accept my role as a hero, as a role model and something of a sexual icon. Today was a real thriller. I'm glad we had the absolute shit kicked out of us. It really adds some spice to the team steam bath. See you all at mikes house this Thursday for line dancing!

30th Sept 2008

great game on the weekend between wkk and the bloods. really and truly highlighted exactly why it is that we get up on a sunday morning each week. it was played in such a great spirit and everyone came away having played well, had fun and didn't get hurt.
awesome effort all around!
oh, and michael spent the rest of the day eating his own turds that he saved all week in plastic containers.
michael has a vagina.

22nd Sept 2008

Celtic chickened out of their game with us so we had a six on six contemporary dance contest, Celtic won this easilywith a stirring come back utilising the latest in Irish dance technology. Then we had a longest kiss contest just for fun which Michael and his mum won. Then we all giggled for half an hour. All of us just giggled. Then neil from Barnes ruined the whole day by looking thru the window and making thin lip signals to Michael. This shattered Michaels sex appeal.

18th Sept 2008

Hey everybody, hope you are all doing well. as you all probably know, the bloods lost on the weekend. i didn't play but michael mentioned that at the start of the game neil who captains barnes was standing on the grass and micheal walked up to him for the usual pre game hug. but while they were hugging neil whispered right in his ear so the ref couldn't hear "micheal!.... your pecs are tiny! and we can hardly notice any difference in your sex appeal since you had your lips done!" now this would be upsetting for anyone, but especially someone so emotionally unstable and mentally fragile as micheal. the effect of this was that michael ran as fast as he could to a patch of leaves and tried to hide. then the entire barnes team laughed at him, michael began shrieking in his high pitched squeal and tried frantically to dig a hole to hide in. anyway, once we had coaxed him down from the tree and calmed him down a little he actually did an amazing job of throwing balls in to our own net. so for next game michael has had new pec implants and a huge amount of collagen in his lips. so if you could please just mention his increased his sex appeal it would be very helpful to his carers. anyways, see you this thursday evening at michaels house for an evening of song and dance as michael and i perform roller disco brokeback mountain for you!!
8th Sept 2008
Howdy Pardners! we are thinking of changing the team name to the kensington kowboys! and no! the K on kowboy isn't a spelling mistake, michael and i really think it adds an edge to the team..... we have also sourced some sport cowboy hats and are wondering if this would be a problem for any other teams if we play with them on our heads? also, we have told michael that all of our games are now televised nationally, so if you could just play along that would really help with controlling his "issues". until we have sorted out all the legal issues surrounding michaels recent run in with britney spears fragrance promoters we will stay as the london bloods.
> i'm so glad that we are all friends and it is so nice for micheal and i to finally have people to talk to and share things with.
5th August 2008
london bloods would actually be happy to pay a couple of pounds extra for linesmen. london bloods are all very wealthy men. mike will once again be taking the reigns of the london bloods, if only in name, the recent head trauma he suffered on holiday in wigan has left him with a slight mental retardation. as a result of this we would request some sensitivity when playing against micheal. if you could gently steer him to the sidelines if you notice him eating leaves we would be very grateful. we also try to fasten his adult nappy as securely as possible but despite our best efforts he sometimes gets himself loose and will start to throw the contents around. probably best to just stay out of the way when this happens. it hasn't always been easy for michael. coming from a small town in new zealand he had to live with the stigma of his parents being brother an sister and raising him as a girl until the age of ten. this and the fact that he was breastfed until this age would explain his wonderful sensitivity. at the age of ten he ran away to be a child soldier in the west african country of liberia. his brain addled by heavy drug use and now heavily pregnant, he made his way to mexico, to the lawless mountain range called the "sierra Madre" where he made quite a name for himself as a prostitute. he was known as the "happy prostitute" and many songs have been written about the smiling whistling young kiwi whore. after two marraiges and a stint as a gameshow host in peru michael stowed away on a coconut boat to london to finally fullfill his dream of being a professional footballer in the only fully homosexual league in the world. which brings us to today! so lets all have a gay old season!! we are working day and night on a communal bath for after the games we play. i also don't think lisbarnes should be allowed to play anymore until they stop calling michael at night and taunting him about his colourful past. so in short, we are definitely in! lets have linesmen! cute ones! with nice whistles!

SCORES TO DATE 2009-2010

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Sunday 14th February 2010 CUP Games

Hi all,

The penultimate cup fixtures.... one more to go before the semi's... and then after the semi's... el finalisto-ista-iiiiiiimos.... don't ask, another hard grinding day at the office leaves my brain to wander in utter word shiyatt.

Group 1

Bloods 1 Barnes 0

Subbutteo 2 Celtic 12

Bloods managed to squeeze a goal versus the Barnes crew. And Subbutteo managed to squeeze 2 past Celtic !..... (ignoring the 12 that found Subbutteo's net). But, with one last fixture left, seems the James Rettie Cup semi's teams to go through will be Bloods and Celtic... Barnes and Subbutteo will fight out the Barnesalona Cup. 4 points separate 2nd and 3rd position in the group table.

Group 2

WKK 2 Madras 1

Bob 1 Lisbarnes 2

Another missed penalty by the WKK's which meant an exciting end to the game with Madras pressing for the equaliser.. nice one mr tims.. would have been an interesting last round if they had drawn as Bob would have been only 2 points behind WKK.. anyway, just trying to make a little exciting... fact is Lisbarnes and WKK are thru to the James Rettie Semi's, and Bob and Madras to the Barnesalona.

Next round is 28th Feb.

Semi's 7th March

Finals 28th March

If anyone has any comments or stories to tell about the games, don't be shy ! Leave a comment.

Cup Finals Day & Awards Day 2007

CUP FINALS DAY

Barnes Common 2007

Celtic vs Hendrix (Barnesalona Cup)
WKK vs Uncle Bob (James Rettie Cup)

The spectators, basking in the glorious Barnes Common sunshine..

The arbitrators... odd one out..?

ACTION !
Uncle Bob's in Red and WKK's in the other colour..

Not Quite sure what to say of this one.. tough stretching..?
The Awards ..
and a little video..

The Weather.

I was just perusing this blog thing, and looking at events this time 'ish last year - funny how history repeats itself with the weather... postponement after postponement.. and I can just hear Celtic Eddie re-iterating the "told u so" syndrome/argument of reducing number of games !... ;-)

From 18th Jan 2009

"Never thought we'd play again ! ... 7th December - postponed... 14th December.. postponed... 21st December.. we played one game.. 4th Jan... postponed... 11th Jan - postponed... and after Saturday night'sridiculous downpour, my optimism for kicking off the season took a damper, and I was feeling a little downtrodden with the thought of postponing yet another week... but.. no, the pitches were actually playable ! Hallegoddamnluyah!.... "

From 26th Feb 2007

This rain sure ain't playing ball.. why on Saturday through the night into Sunday morning..? WHY !?

I rang the Groundsman at 8h45am : conversation was very simple..

- "pitches are playable..?" (ok, so this was wishful thinking)

- "waterlogged pitches"

- "no way games can be played?"

- "no way"

- "sure?"

- "sure"

Result as all of you know is that our games were cancelled.. again. Putting pressure on the fixture list..

From 29th Nov 2006

Christ - the rains were slightly overwhelming over the Saturday night.. and continuing on the Sunday morning. Phone calls started trickling in too as of 9h30am.. are the matches on..? From 10am to 10h35am, I wasn't allowed to leave the flat for the stream of phonecalls coming in from managers, the referee agency, etc.. And then I got to Barn Elms, and saw..

All games ended up being cancelled - pitch 1 at Barn Elms and the Barnes Common pitch due to lakes on the pitch, yes lakes.. pitch 2 & 3 at Barn Elms due to waterlogged pitches which would prove too dangerous to play on... coupled with torrential downpours and lightening - guess its not a good idea to play soaked to the bone with lightening crashing all around you..

The only game that took place was that of Auckland and Madras who found a pitch the referee was ok with playing on (only had a 6ft square 8 inch deep puddle in the middle of one of the halfs), with proviso, of clean ('ish) tackling.. no need to detail the ball movement when played on the ground.. or lack of.

Result Auckland 0

=========================

Ahhh - the weather !

2009-2010 Remaining Fixture List

Click on the File and will get biGGER

New beginning.. but old season.. 2009-2010

Well, its been many many months since i blogged something... reason was never heard anything from anyone about reading or missing this blog.. and, like buses, 3 people ask about it today... so, starting again..

You will find weekly scores and tables, and possibly some comments..

Why the Hammy bridge pic..? cos its bloody closed.. but what a lovely bridge.

Scores:

Celtic 0 Madras 0

Bob 1 Barnes 0

WKK 5 Subbutteo 3

Bloods 3 Lisbarnes 1

I understand Barnes missed a penalty (courtesy of Neil.. had to mention it ;-) ). Subbutteo also missed one vs WKK in 1st half which would have given them 2-1 lead. Saved by Allan (interestingly enough, he was the Barnes keeper for many years..). Even I played a full game - thanks gaffer :-) , and have to say, felt good. If only my legs were 10 years younger ;-)

Bloods vs Lisbarnes was a double header so counts as 2 games (game cancelled back in November). Oh, and I should mention Doz's 2 goals which is (for me anyway) a lovely moment as it was James's anniversary on the 4th, and his best mate scored ! twice... how could that happen!?..

Perhaps I should take this opp to mention the teams no longer with us from last season... for historical purposes obviously.

Ladbrooke Groovers (who won the James Rettie Cup) - Said, their manager retired.

Hendrix who folded the team a month or so before the end of last season (had been in the league since its onset 8-9 years ago or so..) - sad moment in many respects, but a few of their players have joined other teams.

And Lokomotiv who - last minute and by email - decided not to partake for this latest season. Much respect was felt.. Kinda pissed off at the last minute thing cos i had to do all the preparation again.. anyway.. glad I could get that one in !

And a new team Sporting Subbutteo, carrying on the tradition of great football team names ! And I have to say, a very nice team to have in our midst for their friendly manner. Good to have you on board guys.

We have 8 teams rather than the usual 10; but I feel that works better.. main reason - no need for afternoon games !! god that's nice ! and possibly, u guys appreciate that too..

And my usual comments on the spirit.. this season has been the best ever - so thanks guys, thank you managers, I hope this means you are also enjoying more than ever.. famous last words right - all going to kick off next week..

OK - well, that's the end of the first blog of the season - better late than never...

Have a good week.